Thank you for the differences,
and not for any drugs!

My son,

There are always Differences between two people. That is what Mother Nature makes. So it's okay to see differences between us. You have some qualities you have brought with you since you were born. You have got some others from your formal education, and also from people around you since you mingled with them and got them "inspire" you.

If you think that it happens only between you and your parents, then you are wrong. It's just so natural to see differences that may lead to misunderstandings or even "small" fights because the relationship of a son towards his parents can be very complex. It is usually worsened by spending time together which is relatively not so intense.

With our case, I've seen it since you were a little kid. You loved (and still do) being alone with only your toys, books, and (now) computer. I remember well, you preferred staying home with them to going out with your sister and us. This lasted until you were at the secondary high school.

When one of my friends who had a problem child (with drugs) came and said to me, "Connie, what a lucky mother you are. You have a son who loves spending time on his computer or books, and not on drugs! Look at me, I am a mother with such a problem child who makes me want God to give me death and not to continue to live. Seeing the only son of mine's addiction to drugs has killed me already, actually", she said, I didn't know what to say to comfort her while she burst into tears.

But she herself didn't know how I thanked her for reminding me that taking drugs was much, much worse than being alone with the computer games or books in the room you did.

It's okay to like computer games or books, but with you doing this in your room most of your time without even noticing what is happening around you, I worry that you would slowly lose contact and time spent together with your parents, your sibling, and everyone else here, and also role patterns. Lacking this you may also grow your egoism or egocentric mindset.

These have been our concerns more while you are grown up now and that you are supposed to be a more responsible man.

From our (your parents') points of view, having a son was one of our greatest joys we would experience but also one of the greatest challenges!

We can just let you learn to be an adult who can decide and be responsible for things you think are good to say or do. As long as what you think, say, and do, does not disturb, hurt anyone else or lead others to danger, then you can do what you think you would like to do.

You only have to know that we are always trying to balance the need to offer freedom to you while placing APPROPRIATE boundaries because we live together with the society and all we act or do should not be without any concerns for others.

Remember, my son, whatever happens and no matter how many times we have had small misunderstandings or even "fights" just because of our different views on something, please know, you are my son, beloved son, and as your mother I will always want the best things to happen to you, and want to see good in all you do.

You are a man now but my worries, concerns, and wishes are still the same as those when you were still a baby. It's not that I don't have any confidence in yourself, but that is what mothers all over the world do to their children. That is love a mother feels all her life for her children.

I only want you to be true to yourself and I will be there ONLY TO LOVE YOU AND GUIDE YOU, if you need help. No one can really help you be someone you want yourself to be, but YOU YOURSELF.

Life can never go wrong if you respect it.

I love you.
Mama

PS. Here's a good poem that Uncle Desmond in Los Angeles wrote. And this is what I feel MY mother (and every mother) would do. And that is what your future wife would do, too. Just have a look.

Mother would Do Anything!

a mother would do anyhting

for the good of her child,

including death.

that's what

the mother of the Buddha did.

the mother of the Buddha-to-be

died seven days after the birth of her son.

she had to die.

she willingly died

to pave the way for the prince,

to leave the palace,

sought for enlightenment,

and He found it.

there was no way

the mother would have let the prince leave the palace

if she stayed alive.

there was no way

the mother could stand to see

her son practice so hard

he came close to death

if she were alive.

there was no way

the mother would stand in the way

and cause the big dilemma

for the Buddha-to-be

to choose between enlightenment [his wish]

and the kingdom [the wish of the mother].

so

the mother

willingly died,

so the prince could become enlightened,

thence Buddha.

therefore

there is nothing

a mother would not do

to pave the way

for the child to succeed

the highest of all goals.

just because

you have never heard it like this before

does not mean

this is not the Truth

not the Dharma.

Buddha said

the Dharma is everywhere.

You just have to know

and have the wisdom

to see it.

deep bows,

des/boo-ngoh

(Posted for BuddhistWellnessGroup
May 11th 2009)