Today, 54 years ago

My dear mother, late father,
papa Deki and kids,

These photos may not be the best photos we have ever had. But they are the the best I like, among the others.

Photos help us keep the memories of important events, love, celebrations, happy as well as unhappy moments.

I just wanted to let you know today, the same day I was born 54 years ago, how much I have owed my mother and late father for the life you gave me. The day you found baby me as small as a beer bottle as the results of my premature birth.

I was born Lie Tho Nio
(Very Hokkien name!)
The name was given by my grandpa
from my father's side

I may not even have been born alive with the poor condition. But who knows, the Divine Power above and possibly the good karma I had accumulated in some previous lives in the past allowed me to try to cry, to feel the fresh air I tried to breathe, and to enjoy the warmth of my parents arms of love holding my so-tiny newborn body. It was May 20th 1955, and it was such an auspicious day for me. Having been born to my parents and the family I grew up with, I never lived in the dearth of love, care, and affection. My parents showed me their love in their own ways; they gave me things I would need before I asked from them; they comforted me with their soothing words when I was in pain; and despite all convenience, they made my life so complete with valuable warnings, advice and reminder they gave so I would stay on the path they had showed me. They did this fully for my own sake, for my own future.

Giving them a Silver Anniversary Surprise

Mother ---

Who suffered the most when I was born?
Who took care of my personal needs the most
when I went to school?
Who stayed at my side the whole night and day
when I fell ill and inconvenient?
Who taught me how to be a refined woman,
good wife, and good mother?
Who got my wedding well-prepared,
took my hand and showed me
what a marriage would be like?
Who has never stopped worrying about me
even now when I am 54 years of age?

not-so-clear but very precious picture to me!
They wanted nothing from me
but a happy daughter.
a happy wife,
a happy mother
and later.. a happy grandmother-to-be

When we were much younger.
Mother had always been
the first one I turned to, to share things with.

Thank you, dear mother and father
for having made me what I am now.

Some people said, we were so blessed with a pair of children, boy and girl. That is actually what married couples want for children, I heard.
Thank you, papa, for the pair you gave me. I may not have been the best wife or mother, but for the last 27 years at least I have tried my best to be one.

We are getting old now. We cannot even hide the white strands of our hair, the "doubling" of our sizes, the wrinkles of our skin all over the body, and lately, our degrading memory system performance which seems to start troubling us.

But that doesn't change anything between us. It's not exaggerating if I say that the only change I feel is that I love you more than I did you in our first 20 years of marriage! You don't have to believe my words. Just see how I want to stay by your side more, to never stop sharing things with you, to take care of your meals, your clothes, everything... especially when you are not around like today, when you are somewhere else on duty. I want you to tell me to do something for you or you ask if you can help me do something for you.






Thank you, papa Deki. You have been with me for this long, and I still want to be with you and the kids, much much much longer. The years have been good to us, sure, with ups and downs. And as you are nearly 55 and that I am now 54, we will continue to love, support and take care of each other the way we have always done.

Thank you for being the responsible and caring father for our children regardless what they think of how your ways of teaching them should have been like.







Thank you, my dear kids. You have done your best to reach your goal, with pain and suffering.
Thank you for being the first persons I am always worrying about because that means you always allow me to love you. And know that LOVE is the only thing I can give you, and support you with.

I Love You ALL !!

Akhirnya Wirya Diwisuda
16 Mei 2009

Wirya tampak agak grogi, jari tangannya agak sedikit gemetar ketika dia mengancingkan tali toga UPH-nya yang merah menyala....

Mama: "Kamu kenapa, Wir? Grogi?"

Wirya: "Iya, agak".

Mama: "Sini, mama bantu. Lihat tuh topimu, dipasang terlalu ke atas. Mama bantu betulin ya".

Wirya: (malu-malu ---- udah tinggi sih ya, mama aja harus berjingkit kaki nih buat membetulkan letak topimu!)

Mama: (dengan tingkah kampungan)
"Mama baru pernah lihat toga dengan topi seperti ini, seperti "painter" ya.. hehehe. Terus bagian lehernya kok malah 'nggandul' kebelakang begitu sih?".

Papa: (sok yakin benar dengan apa yang dikatakannya)
"Mungkin mengacu kepada toga perguruan tinggi di Inggris yang sejak dulu dianggap sebagai lembaga pendidikan terbaik. Kaya jubahnya Harry Potter kan? Yang nggandul kebelakang itu buat diangkat menutupi kepala kalau pas wisuda kebetulan hujan. Di perguruan tinggi sana mungkin wisudanya outdoor, engga kaya di sini, indoor."

Mama: "Hihihi, iya juga kali ya".

Mama: "Nah, udah enak belum posisi topinya, Wir?"

Wirya: "Udah, ma." (Terus Wirya copotin lagi tuh topinya... Tapi yang penting kamu udah tahu bagaimana caranya memakai topi yang benar)





Wah sekarang terlihat Wirya lagi bantu temannya mengenakan bagian leher yang menggandul ke belakang.

Kata orang, setiap sesuatu ada saatnya.
Setelah 6 tahun kuliah (yang seharusnya cuma 4 tahun), akhirnya kamu lulus juga. Mama hampir-hampir merasa kamu akan "drop-out", tapi engga bosen-bosen juga memberi kamu dorongan dan support (barangkali yang bosen malah kamu sendiri!). Maafkan mama, ya, Wir, seringkali keras terhadap kamu kalau sedang memberimu nasehat dan dorongan. Soalnya dengan test IQ kamu yang di atas rata-rata, mama engga percaya kalau kamu ga bisa lulus!! Kamu cuma lebih suka main game komputer dan membiarkan waktu lewat dengan sedikit sekali belajar.

Kamu lebih suka belajar sejarah yang bukan jurusanmu daripada Manajemen yang menjadi keharusan kamu berkonsentrasi. Dan akhirnya, saat kamu nyaris DO, ternyata bisa juga menyelesaikan thesismu dan menjalankan sidang dengan baik, bahkan dengan nilai A+ ! Maka hari ini kamu berhak menyandang gelar S1 !







Seperti Kepala Jurusanmu yang Korean itu memberi selamat kepadamu, maka papa dan mama juga mengucapkan selamat kepada Wirya atas banyak hal:

1. "kesabaran"mu atas dorongan yang terus-menerus dari kami, baik secara halus, lembut maupun keras dan kasar.

2. perjuanganmu sendiri, terutama ketika saat-saat terakhir yang menentukan tiba.

3. usahamu untuk sebisa mungkin mengerjakan tugas-tugas kesarjanaanmu sendiri.

4. tetap berusaha meyakinkan papa dna mama bahwa kamu akan bisa lulus.

5. walaupun agak terlambat, kamu tetap memenuhi harapan orangtua. Tapi ini baru awal dari suatu kehidupan dewasamu yang menuntut lebih banyak usaha, perjuangan, tanggungjawab serta kesabaran.

Jangan cepat putus asa kalau kamu menemui suatu hambatan atau kegagalan. Ingat apa kata guru besar universitas dari Amerika yang memberi sambutan hari ini di depan 900-an wisudawan: "Courage" !!

Itu pula yang diulang dan ditekankan oleh papa kepadamu. Dan bila kamu menemui kesuksesan, jangan sombong. Tetaplah rendah hati, dan terutama bersyukurlah atas "karma baik" atau anugerah itu.

Manfaatkan kesuksesanmu untuk hal-hal yang baik dan bermanfaat, bagi dirimu sendiri, lingkunganmu dan masyarakat luas. Jangan sampai lupa diri. Stay on your path.

Untuk memulai sesuatu, ingatlah kata-kata Lao Tzu:
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Selamat ya, Wir! Semoga kamu dapat membangun masa depanmu dengan kualitas manusia dewasa yang bertanggungjawab.

“Build me a son, O Lord,

who will be strong enough to know when he is weak,

and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid,

one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat,

and humble and gentle in victory.”

(Douglas MacArthur)

Thank you for the differences,
and not for any drugs!

My son,

There are always Differences between two people. That is what Mother Nature makes. So it's okay to see differences between us. You have some qualities you have brought with you since you were born. You have got some others from your formal education, and also from people around you since you mingled with them and got them "inspire" you.

If you think that it happens only between you and your parents, then you are wrong. It's just so natural to see differences that may lead to misunderstandings or even "small" fights because the relationship of a son towards his parents can be very complex. It is usually worsened by spending time together which is relatively not so intense.

With our case, I've seen it since you were a little kid. You loved (and still do) being alone with only your toys, books, and (now) computer. I remember well, you preferred staying home with them to going out with your sister and us. This lasted until you were at the secondary high school.

When one of my friends who had a problem child (with drugs) came and said to me, "Connie, what a lucky mother you are. You have a son who loves spending time on his computer or books, and not on drugs! Look at me, I am a mother with such a problem child who makes me want God to give me death and not to continue to live. Seeing the only son of mine's addiction to drugs has killed me already, actually", she said, I didn't know what to say to comfort her while she burst into tears.

But she herself didn't know how I thanked her for reminding me that taking drugs was much, much worse than being alone with the computer games or books in the room you did.

It's okay to like computer games or books, but with you doing this in your room most of your time without even noticing what is happening around you, I worry that you would slowly lose contact and time spent together with your parents, your sibling, and everyone else here, and also role patterns. Lacking this you may also grow your egoism or egocentric mindset.

These have been our concerns more while you are grown up now and that you are supposed to be a more responsible man.

From our (your parents') points of view, having a son was one of our greatest joys we would experience but also one of the greatest challenges!

We can just let you learn to be an adult who can decide and be responsible for things you think are good to say or do. As long as what you think, say, and do, does not disturb, hurt anyone else or lead others to danger, then you can do what you think you would like to do.

You only have to know that we are always trying to balance the need to offer freedom to you while placing APPROPRIATE boundaries because we live together with the society and all we act or do should not be without any concerns for others.

Remember, my son, whatever happens and no matter how many times we have had small misunderstandings or even "fights" just because of our different views on something, please know, you are my son, beloved son, and as your mother I will always want the best things to happen to you, and want to see good in all you do.

You are a man now but my worries, concerns, and wishes are still the same as those when you were still a baby. It's not that I don't have any confidence in yourself, but that is what mothers all over the world do to their children. That is love a mother feels all her life for her children.

I only want you to be true to yourself and I will be there ONLY TO LOVE YOU AND GUIDE YOU, if you need help. No one can really help you be someone you want yourself to be, but YOU YOURSELF.

Life can never go wrong if you respect it.

I love you.
Mama

PS. Here's a good poem that Uncle Desmond in Los Angeles wrote. And this is what I feel MY mother (and every mother) would do. And that is what your future wife would do, too. Just have a look.

Mother would Do Anything!

a mother would do anyhting

for the good of her child,

including death.

that's what

the mother of the Buddha did.

the mother of the Buddha-to-be

died seven days after the birth of her son.

she had to die.

she willingly died

to pave the way for the prince,

to leave the palace,

sought for enlightenment,

and He found it.

there was no way

the mother would have let the prince leave the palace

if she stayed alive.

there was no way

the mother could stand to see

her son practice so hard

he came close to death

if she were alive.

there was no way

the mother would stand in the way

and cause the big dilemma

for the Buddha-to-be

to choose between enlightenment [his wish]

and the kingdom [the wish of the mother].

so

the mother

willingly died,

so the prince could become enlightened,

thence Buddha.

therefore

there is nothing

a mother would not do

to pave the way

for the child to succeed

the highest of all goals.

just because

you have never heard it like this before

does not mean

this is not the Truth

not the Dharma.

Buddha said

the Dharma is everywhere.

You just have to know

and have the wisdom

to see it.

deep bows,

des/boo-ngoh

(Posted for BuddhistWellnessGroup
May 11th 2009)

As soon as you came into my life

you taught me how to be a mother,
sharing so much with you

You were such a quiet baby
always moving your legs, hands,
and smiling a few times
while I am feeding you




and so playful too

Always did a few smart things
to let others know "I can do it"

Your elementary school teacher
and grandpa said
you were growing like a tomboy,
preferring doing boy-things to girl-things.




They said, even the way you walked
was also like that of a boy.
I remember when you received
a reward from school
for having got the best achievement
and you walked to receive it,
your headmistress said,
"Inilah pemenang yang gagah berani!"

Yeah, I know it, too.
You didn't even care about
the style of your hair... and still don't!

You have never applied any face powder either
let alone other things like lipstick!

But with you growing up
to be a caring member of my dear family,
and a girl with self-confidence,
I'm so proud to be your mom

It's actually the best I've ever felt.

My children grow up

and like a bird,
they spread their wings,
fly away to see the whole world
and the whole universe

They see,
they learn new things

But they can always
come back home to rest



I love you

Dear kids,
What do you think
a family is?


A family is the proverbial egg
that we were hatched from

It means to share,
to love, honor, and obey



A strong bond that should be maintained
and nurtured by each member
whose name always has a story



A family means your loved ones
who first come to soothe you
when you are sad and weep,
and to smile with you
when you are happy



It means the people
who first come to help you cope with pains
and heal your hurts




They are many things with endless words
and whose love is always near



They don't care what you look like
but support each other, and always care,
bare with and try to understand
and accept your little rudeness,
impoliteness, anger, and hateful things



When you go astray
a family will try to find you
and take you back
to the bond.



And despite your faults
your family will always put up with you,
open their arms for you
and show you what to do
to mend your mistakes



When one of you is out of sight,
the rest of the family will miss you a lot
and feel that something is missing



'Though we are not perfect persons
I can love my family
for as long as can be,
for what they are
and who they are




Our nature and nurturing
comes from our family.

Our past holds the key
to our future

If we do not learn and face
where we come from,
we will have difficulty understanding
our present and future.

Thank you for keeping
the tie of this family strong

Waktu Kamu Kecil, Na

Paling sering main "dokter-dokteran"
dengan Wirya.

Kalian membedah boneka
dan mengeluarkan dekron atau kain-kain perca
yang ada di dalam boneka itu.

Suara celotehmu yang lucu
mengatakan,
"Nana jadi dokter hewan"

Lalu katamu, isi di dalam boneka yang dibedah
adalah darah atau dagingnya.

Mama tersenyum pahit
karena boneka-boneka itu kemudian rusak.

Setelah di bangku TK dan SD,
kamu suka anjing dan kucing,
lalu mengatakan bahwa kamu
bercita-cita menjadi dokter hewan.

Ternyata kamu cuma suka
akan lucunya anjing dan kucing,
suka merawat puppies Daichi dan Bella,
tapi kamu berteriak dan berjingkat lari
bila ada nyamuk menghampiri.

Bahkan terhadap serangga kecil pun,
kamu takut!

How would you be a vet?

Dear Nana

Whenever you come back from work
and I see your big smile,
that is when I am so grateful.

Seeing your happy face,
listening to what you are happily telling me,
I can also feel your happiness.

Just know
that you have always been
the center of my joy!

Continue to be happy
and well!

Every mother feels
the same way I do

A few days ago
when it was nearly midnight
and you were out there somewhere
with someone you like to be with,
I called you on the phone
asking where you were
and if you were alright.

The next day
you asked me why I had called you
instead of being in bed
"Were you worried about me?",
you asked

I replied,
"Sure, I worried about you,
about your safety
about something you may have found
that put you into trouble
out there.

I had worried about you before,
I worry about you now,
I will worry all my life.

A mother always worries about
her children
even when they are already adults
and that they have their own family.

A mother will always think
that her children's safety is
the most important.

She loves her children more than
she loves herself,
and she doesn't mind lacking sleep
while she is waiting for them
to come back home.


When a child is sick
a mother will always stay awake
at least to look forward to the signs
of his recovery
even when she knows that
he has a wife to take care of him.

Every mother feels the same way I do
and will not stop worrying about her children
till the day she dies.

Botaknya bayi
memang menggemaskan!



Baby Deki - Waktu kecil diberi julukan
"Dukke" nama Belanda yang katanya
artinya "ndut".. hehe

Baby me, botak plontos
kaya anak burung yang baru lahir... hehe




Baby Wirya, bengong..
Seneng kalau habis mandi,
botaknya diberi talcum powder




Baby Nana... botak bangeut...
Kata orang, jidatnya "jenong"
hehe




Baby Yuki... botak but cantik.



Babies are loveable,
adorable